whee~

I didn't see the crossroads till I hit the road sign right in the middle of my naive head
11:08 PM January 26, 2007

Gah! what a day! yesterday, for some strange reason i kept ranting about everything under the sun. (sorry to those I bothered) You'd have thought I was drunk, except from what I know I don't get talkative when I'm drunk, and I don't even touch liquor since I hate the very smell of it. -_-

Anyway, I had three classes that day, and joy! 2 of them were suspended! I was feeling all wretched cause someone suggested that our crappy exams would be returned, and I knew I'd be all depressed with the hopelessly flunking grades I'm likely to get. So on with the trail of depression!!

We started talking about OJTs and the discussion, as is inevitable, shifted to my low grades, especially relative to Vigile's and Bong's grades. Accounting, Stat, Kas, Law, Nat Sci, grawr! And so I slump further down the depressed isle.

And then Gil starts answering our 45 question homework, which I can't even begin cause I have yet to read the super long chapter it goes with. And I realized how delayed I must be. *gloomy*

Then, I took a free body fat analysis and was told that given my HEIGHT and AGE, I was OVERWEIGHT. @_@ Icing on top of a very horrible cake. I thought it was funny though. ^^;

And so I go back to the tambayan to rant about more things, which even got glecy surprised enough to comment on the extent of my self-pity. @_@

So I start stuffing myself with food and what not, cause there was a lot of left-over spaghetti in the tambayan. *weight gaining...* After my second overflowing plate, Aji and I started talking about books, and writing and stuff, and I realized: It's sad that I don't know what I want to be and do and stuff.

And finally, to explain that extra long title, I realized I should be going out there and scouting for a good OJT. But I don't know what I want to do, what I want to specialize in, where I want to work. -_- I didn't realize how fast things were going, that the cliff edge I was walking on is thinning, and I have to plunge down soon. Ah!!!

Dilemmas dilemmas. When you have no one specifically to tell, why not tell the whole faceless world? I wonder, should I tap my relatives to get a good OJT? Although, given my family's tendency for self-achievement and independence, and their strict monitoring of the next generations' every move and what not, I have a feeling that that's not even an option. My uncle works in some big firm as Sales and Marketing Director. He regularly keeps tabs on our grades and extracurricular activities, mine especially since I'm likely to go into his line of work. Making comments, giving tips, and in general looking like I haven't done enough. ;_; I don't think I can go to him and ask for work. Strict, achievement centered family. Tsk. I was actually told by an aunt that: "Mahina ka pala eh. Tamad tamad nito." since at my age she had already been bookkeeping for her father, a CPA-lawyer. My best chances are to go find myself a good job on my own. -_-

My dad wants me to be a lawyer. Like hell no! I'm not even good at law classes right now, and he and my grandfather topped the LAE, were both part of the top of their class and both got a really good rank in the bar. (My lolo actually ranked 4th). Who wants to have to follow that up? The standard is waaay too high. -_- Especially considering that my dad was working full-time after graduating pre-law to pay for his own tuition. So in my time, if I don't do as well as either of them, then it'll be too my eternal shame, and i don't think I can handle the pressure. @_@ I won't even have an excuse for failing, since my dad was working and still did great, while I don't think I'll be expected to work yet. @_@

Facing the working world is really scary, and I think I haven't finished growing my backbone yet. -_-

come fly ~ gen