whee~

beginnings and endings
11:41 AM March 06, 2009

I suddenly noticed: sometimes, when you get to the end of something, you just can't help but think back to the beginning. It may sound lame, but the phenomenon just suddenly hit me.

I was being asked about a memorable CE experience as my farewell to CE (since I'm supposed to be graduating this sem) for Ventures, and the first thing that popped into my head was the Applicant's Orientation I attended with Vigile, Bong and Rachel in my 2nd sem in UP. Of course, Vigile was all: "I already have an org, I don't want to have another. I didn't even want to be in an org in the first place, etc., etc." and Bong was curious since she's never had an organization before, and Rachel really wanted to join because her friend Kevin joined in the previous semester and was already an officer. I was also curious since I didn't have a college based organization, and I thought: "Well, it IS my college."

There we had to decide what committee we'd like to join, and though we'd originally hoped to join 1 committee, Rachel really wanted to join marketing where Kevin was, while the rest of us were still unsure (though Vij and I were sure we didn't want o join Marketing^^).

I was a bit torn between Operations and Publicity, but the committee presentations eventually tipped the scales for me. Every committee was presenting skits, spoofing scenes from movies like Ang Tanging Ina where the Finance VP, Lady, was the kid who gets slapped unintentionally by Ai-ai. The Publicity committee was the last to present, and all they had was a super cool powerpoint presentation and a little speech by the Pub VP Raul, where he basically insulted (in good humor) all the other committees for lowering themselves to embarassing skits. It was hilarious and impressive.

So I made up my mind (though I knew nothing about Photoshop, etc. at that time) and I persuaded Vigile (who was still changing her mind about joining every few minutes) and Bong (who kind of wanted to join other committees due to a self-proclaimed lack of artistic skills, which is baloney, if you've ever seen Bong's sketches, and she's better then me at crafts, since I grew up to be more techie :p). I specifically remember telling Vij that the committee was into graphic and web design, etc. and I remember hearing Bong saying she'd like to try marketing, but she'd pick the same committee we'd choose. (Bong is so nice. ^^)

Well, what followed was a couple of semesters of fun. We all ended up really loving CE and Pub. Bong even ended up as Vice President. (It was also offered to Vigile, but she turned it down).

The ending was a lot less memorable and disheartening, for me at least. Vigile left CE early on for Tennis UP, Bong left it gradually after her term to focus on her thesis, and Rachel kind of left it when her relationship with Gil ended. So I've had CE for more than a year longer than they did. It was still fun for a while, when Ivan and Levs were still around, but after they graduated, it's been downhill for me since.

Which is pretty sad. I still love the old CE, but the new CE is a little disheartening. The sem after Levs and Ivan graduated, Gil was assigned CE week and I was made a staff for some adhoc. Things happened, and I was so disheartened with CE and how people worked. *won't go into details* I ranted to Gil and he agreed, so it's not just me. He seemed pretty pissed with CE back then too.

There are a few members that still make me feel hopeful, but it's quite clear to me that CE underwent such a huge (negative) change from what it was during that really energetic first Apps Orientation I attended to the current in-tambayan-genmeets. Huge leap. Everyone's asking (even the non-CE people) "What happened?" And even I don't know.

This ending feels like a really tattered edge to me. With pieces breaking off and everything. It has come to a point where I don't even feel sad about actually leaving CE behind. Though looking back, there is sadness there, but more for what CE has fallen to. It used to be such a hopeful, bright and energetic organization, with people teasing each other and healthy committee bashing comments fly around. Now VPs are resigning, committees don't attend another committee's projects, some people don't make an effort to understand their co-officers, members and apps, and there are occasional bitter fights. It's really sadly different.

Maybe I stayed too long. Gil's reconciled to CE again because he's found someone, but I'm still bothered. Honestly, my farewell is a little muddled, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to say certain things I want to say, basically I don't know where to begin.

In the years that I've been in CE, I've heard countless people say: "I wish I found CE earlier, I wish I had more time with CE" when saying their farewells during our tribute genmeet (genmeet for graduating people). Of the people who've heard those statements, only a very few of us remain, and I doubt any of us would share that sentiment. That line has always had a big impact on me, since I was in first year. I've always expected to feel the same when the time came. But I don't. And that's probably the saddest thing about this ending.

I feel like I've betrayed the older CE generation. And I'm really sorry. Sorry to Lyka, Ate Judy, Ate Ainee, Ate Sheesha, Janna, Kate Reyes, etc. Make no mistake, I don't regret joining CE, and I still love the CE of the old days, but things are different now.

Urgh. I sound emo and I;m starting to go in circles. ---______--- I better quit now. If I have any typos, grammatical errors, etc., sorry. I'm really not good at typing, and I kind of feel lazy about rereading. :( So sorry nalang. :P And sorry for the Emo-ness... ^^;

come fly ~ gen